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Thoughts on marriage…

What everyone always wants to know. =)

Why am I still single? Why am I not just dating any and every guy that comes along? Well, I suppose I could find some guy who is nice enough and just get married, but would I truly be happy like that? I have seen lots of friends get desperate and just take the first guy who comes along and I wonder how happy they will be 5, 10 years from now! I would so rather be happy and single than married and miserable! Maybe my standards are too high as far as what I want in a guy, but if that guy never comes along then I am never going to just settle, and anyways, I don’t think my standards are too high. Is it wrong to want a guy who loves the Lord more than anything/one else? (including me) Is it wrong to want a guy with high ethical and moral standards? A guy who would treat me right and respect me? A guy I could trust completely? I don’t think those standards are too high at all!.Marriage is the greatest human relationship and I don’t believe that it should ever be entered into lightly. To just get married for the sake of getting married is unthinkable to me. I am very happy single! I know lots of girls who really just want to get married, that’s all they can think about. Personally I don’t believe that marriage or thoughts of it should be what consumes me as a child of God. My relationship with Him is the most important relationship I will ever have and I believe that should be what is first and foremost in my mind. Does that mean that I am perfect? Of course not, nor will I ever be! I don’t think that a person has to be perfect to get married, but striving for holiness in one’s life should be an ongoing pursuit and one that should affect all areas of one’s life, including dating/marriage! If I am pursuing a right relationship with God, and I am becoming what HE wants me to be, then I believe He will bring the right person at the right time – IF that is His will! If it is His will for me to remain single forever, then so be it, but I want to be in the center of His will either way. I think that if it had been His will for me to have gotten married already, then He would have shown me that. There have been so many people who have asked me why I am not married and I want to say “If God wanted me married, it would have happened already.” Marriage has never been nor will it ever be my only goal in life. Does that mean that I don’t ever want to get married? Not necessarily. But if it does happen at some point in the future, I want it to only be because that was exactly what God wanted, in HIS time, and because it brings HIM glory! I can honestly say that if I had gotten married a few years ago when I graduated from college I would not be as close to the Lord as I am now! I am so thankful for the times He has used to open my eyes and change my heart! Unfortunately I know I will never be as close to Him as I should be, and I will always struggle with sin, but I can honestly say now that my heart’s desire is to constantly grow closer to Him and to be in the center of His will, single or not! Sure sometimes it is hard to have faith that God will someday bring me a good guy, because I am not sure they even exist anymore! I really do wonder if there could be a really great guy out there, one that I would also be interested in!!, but if that is God’s will then I know He can do it, even if I have no idea where in the world he would come from! It feels impossible in this day and age, but finding that guy cannot be my goal in life, I don’t want it to be!  My goal should be to work on glorifying God through my life and becoming what He wants me to be, and I probably have a long way to go! It frustrates me when people (meaning well I am sure) want to ask why I haven’t found a nice guy yet – maybe because God hasn’t finished working on him (or me) yet. Believe me, to make the kind of guy I want will probably take God a while! 🙂 So instead of bugging me (or any other single person you know) about it (since I can’t exactly change hearts or create a desire within someone to walk with God) why don’t you pray for me? (if you are really that concerned about it!) Or for my future husband – if he exists! To bug me about it only frustrates me and does not help me trust God or grow closer to Him! Pray that I will walk with God every day and grow as close to Him as I can! Pray that I will be in the center of His will and want His will over mine! Pray for my future husband – I want the best one anyone can find anywhere! Sure he won’t be perfect (and if he was he certainly would never be interested in me! 🙂 ) but I want someone whose heart is in a right relationship with God!! Someone who knows how to be a leader and be humble at the same time! Someone who would want our relationship to bring God glory – completely.  If that man does not exist, or is not in the process of existing (wow, evolution huh?) then I will never get married, I don’t think there is a question about that one!!

So that’s basically it, I’m sure that answers everyone’s questions, right? 🙂

32 Comments leave one →
  1. Melinda permalink
    April 22, 2008 8:21 pm

    This is amazing!!!

    If I had a blog, I would copy and paste because you stated exactly how I feel too!


  2. jenmarie permalink*
    April 22, 2008 8:47 pm

    Thanks, I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way! 🙂

  3. Danny permalink
    April 22, 2008 9:06 pm

    Uhm this is too deep for me, lol. It made my head hurt. HA, jk… It makes sense though… nice Jen! 😛

  4. Guicho permalink
    April 22, 2008 9:12 pm

    Wow Jen! It takes a lot to be transparent and not only that – Honest. I commend you for your openess and revealing of your “You-ness” when it comes to this personal topic of marriage. I hope and pray that you will always be where God wants you to be and if He brings you along a husband … why not.

    We need to hang out again. It’s past over-due! I haven’t been up there in a while.

  5. jenmarie permalink*
    April 22, 2008 9:38 pm

    Hey Luis,
    Yeah, totally we need to hang out again! When Danny gets back we are going to El Torito so come up then! Or maybe I’ll see you at graduation, but I have to go to work right after so I can’t hang out then. 😦 Sometime though for sure – I’m sure I’ll make it down to Bethel one of these days. 🙂

  6. Christy permalink
    April 22, 2008 10:21 pm

    Jenn….Thank you for speaking for all the single ladies that actually feel content & fulfilled even though they are single! I’m going to forward this to my mom and have her explain it to my grandma too! haha j/k I’ll keep it private and write my own letter to them :0) I’m totally right there with you. Maybe we should start a club?? :0) I know the Lord was smiling as you were typing this…

  7. Millie Waddell permalink
    April 23, 2008 6:09 am

    Jen: Neil and I have been married for 42 1/2 years and he is the man God put in my life. Perfect, no neither of us are, we have had our ups and downs. Wait for the right guy it is worth while. Mrs. Waddell, MBBC library.

  8. Karen Greer permalink
    April 23, 2008 6:15 am

    Jen, I think you’re totally right to feel that way. Some girls (and guys too) make an idol of wanting to be married…in fact there are whole websites dedicated to those people ( but it’s such a great feeling when you can just relax in the state you’re in. After all, though we’re not calvinists, we still believe God is in control, right?! ;^)

  9. Becka permalink
    April 23, 2008 7:15 am

    That was a really beautiful post. IF I find a good, godly guy, I’ll keep my word and have you come visit me, and not send him to you or try to set you up! lol 🙂 Love you much! And I will continue to pray for you and your future – whatever that may be. 🙂

  10. Ruth permalink
    April 23, 2008 10:33 am

    There is nothing more fatal than being in love with being in love. When you’re in love with an idea you are destined to make foolish decisioin.
    Thanks for placing your relationship with God before your relationship with a man. I pray that God would bless you in all areas of your life.
    Ps. you’re an awesome ‘dorm mom’ 😛

  11. April 23, 2008 11:06 am

    Hi Jen! Its been a while but just wanted to say that along with Melinda, I feel I could copy and paste it (changing the finding a guy to finding a girl parts and it would describe exactly what I feel. Thanks for posting it. It gets hard to be bugged about it all the time. Being the assistant Pastor at my church it feels like the whole church is trying to play cupid. I should post your blog on next Sunday’s bulletin! lol. When are you gonna make it up here? We have to go watch a Giants game together! That would be fun!

  12. April 23, 2008 6:56 pm

    I love all of the thought that you put into this post. I am sure that the Lord has a man out there for you. God is just preparing your heart and your life to meet him. The Lord has an interesting way of bringing us to the place of His will instead of letting us just wander into it. I am very excited to see the impact your “singleness” will have in this world. I know that you want to follow the Lord and He has a perfect plan for your life. I am blessed to have you as my friend and I know James would say the same. I am praying for you.

  13. jenmarie permalink*
    April 23, 2008 8:35 pm

    Hey everyone,
    Wow, I didn’t expect all the response that I got from this! Phone calls, emails, comments… You are all so great! Hi Mrs. Waddell!! 🙂 Karen, it’s so funny you mention the Calvinist thing because I was thinking about that as I was writing this! Yes, totally we aren’t Calvinist, but at the same time God IS in control! Sure He won’t force us to do His will, but if we follow Him, He can direct us to where He wants us to be. I won’t ever believe that God makes people sin, so I can’t be Calvinist… 🙂 Hey, remember that one party at Sean and Nate’s new house and how the guys were so excited they found Frogger at WalMart so we were playing it? I remember playing against Sean and trying to debate Calvinism at the same time with Derek and we were all looking for Bibles to prove our points- that was so much fun! I’m so glad I met you there! I miss you guys! I TOTALLY want to come out in Oct but I don’t know if it will work or not…
    Aww, Ruth thanks, you are so sweet! 🙂
    Christy, as I said, feel free to pass it on to your fam. 🙂 I know how fam can be when it comes to things like this! 🙂

    • Hope permalink
      July 2, 2018 7:34 am

      I just wanted to comment on the “calvinist thing”. While this is the view of a lot of non-calvinists, Calvinists don’t actually believe God makes people sin. There is human responsibility. The view of calvinists here is actually hyper-calvinism, which sadly does exist, along with a lot of other nutty doctrines. Btw, just found your blog. I didn’t know you blogged. I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
      And on the blog itself, you are so right to never settle! I’ve seen so many people desperate to marry they settle. And then they are far lonelier than if they had stayed single. As one whose husband rebelled against God for 3 years before God saved him, I can tell you from both sides, a bad marriage is far lonelier than no marriage. But when God got him, oh my! A great marriage is truly a slice of Heaven!

  14. jenmarie permalink*
    April 23, 2008 11:07 pm

    Luis I told Hannah about your aunt so maybe we will come up sometime if I get a weekend off, that would be awesome! 🙂 SF won tonight in 13, crazy game! I totally thought we were going to lose in the bottom of the 11th! Wow, we have to fight for every win!

  15. Guicho permalink
    April 24, 2008 9:48 pm

    I wont be able to make it for graduation (work) but let me know when Danny gets back to see if I can make it up then. But if not then lets shoot for a Saturday in May.

  16. jenmarie permalink*
    April 25, 2008 10:37 pm

    I think my Saturdays in May are already full, my summer schedule is crazy. 😦 Are there any 5 Sunday months coming up? If so, you guys should all come up and we can hang out. 🙂

  17. Jackie permalink
    May 12, 2008 5:05 pm

    Can we seriously write a book together?
    Peace and love…

  18. jenmarie permalink*
    May 12, 2008 7:25 pm

    Hey twin,
    Hannah and I really want to write a book – or at least start it – this summer. 🙂 We actually were thinking more along the lines of modesty/purity – but there is so much I really want to write about – this is one of those issues too! Sure, let’s write. 🙂

  19. Guicho permalink
    May 13, 2008 6:57 pm

    I see that June has five Sunday’s so… the 29th of June should be ok for me to visit then. Will that Sunday work for you?

  20. jenmarie permalink*
    May 15, 2008 12:02 pm

    Well I should be there. Our summer volleyball league will have started by then so you know how that goes, I’ll be there till 10:30/11. If you guys want to come up and hang out that’d be cool, but I’ll be stuck there the whole time – hopefully winning all our games. 🙂

  21. Jireh permalink
    May 15, 2008 9:02 pm

    Mommy! I found you! Tee hee hee. Wow, this is an awesome blog. Okay, I won’t set you up with random guys anymore =). I hope you’re having a fun summer. I should be back by next week. Thanks for being an AwEsOmE dorm mom, for giving me advice, help, and encouragement, and for putting up with my…uh…absent-minded-ness. I love you!

  22. jenmarie permalink*
    May 19, 2008 8:41 pm

    Aww, thanks Jireh! Love you too!

  23. August 8, 2008 12:24 am

    I totally understand what you’re saying! Especially with me moving to Texas, people are saying things like, “You’ll probably meet your future husband when you move down there.” And my sister (4 years younger than me) getting married next summer, people are asking me if I’ve found a guy, yet. I don’t have to find a guy. God will lead us together. I know people just want me (us) to be happy, but who says we aren’t happy now?

    It’s better to be single than to be married and to wish that you were single. Being married does not guarantee happiness.

  24. jenmarie permalink*
    September 18, 2008 10:58 am

    Beth!!! I’m glad we got to meet in WI, fun times! 🙂 I like all the pics on your blog btw, of when we went out to Madison!! You have to come out to CA sometime!

  25. Jeff permalink
    January 11, 2010 6:34 pm

    Great post!!That is very encouraging! girls like you are few and far between!!


  26. jenmarie permalink*
    January 14, 2010 10:12 pm

    I’m glad it was encouraging! 🙂 Your post was too!

  27. brittney permalink
    September 20, 2010 9:06 am

    beautiful thoughts! You should give a seminar! =)

  28. October 4, 2011 3:14 pm

    i thought just like you…until i met my mr charming, and then it all changed…

  29. October 4, 2011 3:44 pm

    I like what you had to say here and i liked your pictures from Rome. I have a special place in my heart for that city.

  30. October 28, 2011 10:28 pm

    Hey Jen,

    I so love your ideas. All that you’ve said here is something that almost every other girl wishes for but few have enough courage to stand tall alongside these ideas. Glad to hear that you do.

    Well-written! 🙂

  31. t.on.air permalink
    February 26, 2012 4:01 am

    Hi Jen,
    You just wrote what I think about marriage. Thanks. Keep up the good work!

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