Skip to content

This Thing Called “Life”

July 14, 2014

Ahh life…you are such an interesting creature.  And I thank God every day for you.

I don’t think life ever works out *exactly* the way we plan it, but I think that’s part of the beauty of it. When I look back, many of the most rewarding moments of life were things I never *planned.*

As I sit here, I find myself at a crossroads again. To be honest, I kinda feel like I live in the middle of a crossroads. But…that’s what I signed up for, so I can’t complain about it.

A few months ago Russia was getting to be a little too “normal” for me [crazy how that works], a little too “familiar” – I felt myself not walking by faith anymore, but walking by routine. I had it all pretty much figured out. And it felt like God might be moving me from here…so I started praying like crazy. I told God I was ready to be back to an “easy” life [while Russia felt “figured out,” that didn’t mean it was “easy”]. I’ve learned [mostly] to not stress about stuff like this so I just kept going and praying and seeking direction, and dreaming of living back in America. I applied to two stateside jobs and my heart started pulling me that direction. It was easy to imagine a comfortable, American life, complete with more regular visits to family.

And then…suddenly plans seemed to be put on a fast track and it seemed like God was moving me back way earlier than I planned. Like 3 months earlier. 

And then I had a job rejection. And then a job offer.

But ultimately I turned down the offer, and canceled the interview with the other organization. And decided to jump back on the “living by faith” train and pursue living in yet another foreign country. [Albeit one much more like my own. And one that doesn’t require learning  attempting to learn another language. But it does require learning to drive on the “wrong” side of the road. So there’s that. And I think that’s a bit more dangerous than learning a new language, eek.]

While I am over-the-moon excited about the possibilities [nothing is finalized here, I’m still in the visa application process], I also find myself veering back towards all the “what ifs” that threaten to derail the living by faith train. It is SO easy to head down that path. I find myself second guessing myself. Wondering if this is the right decision. Especially when all my students’ parents are disappointed that I am leaving. I wonder if I should be staying.

And then I remember my very first night in Russia. It’s the only time I ever had this thought, but I remember it all hitting me as I went to sleep that night: “WHAT have I done with my life? Have I gone crazy? I quit my job and…this is scary.” Thankfully from that moment on, well, from the next day on, I never doubted again and God gave me the best year and a half of my entire life.

I KNOW from experience that God can provide, and work out all the little details that threaten to crowd my brain and take control of my thoughts. I know He can and WILL lead and guide. But it’s still a little bit scary to again walk into the unknown.  Scary and exciting.

So…what is next? Well, 3 more weeks in Russia. Then back to CA for a few weeks and two family weddings. And then…? Possibly a new continent. =)

2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 15, 2014 12:00 am

    Oh so exciting! I hope you’ll keep us all updated. I can certainly relate to those “Are we CRAZY?” thoughts! I have to admit, I have had those more than a few times in the last 6 months. But God gives peace that passes all understanding doesn’t He? Praying for you in your new adventure!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: