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How Kohl’s cost me the chance to meet my husband

October 15, 2010

If you are just joining us, this is the continuing story of how Kohl’s systematically (although they did it in one fell swoop, so I’m not sure if I can technically say “systematically.” But I like the way it sounds, so I’m going to say it anyways.) ruined my life and how I came to sue them for it. Or not. (I haven’t decided yet)

This is probably the furthest reaching consequence of that one little mishap. (See kids, you must be careful what you do, every action could possibly come back to haunt you one day!) This is the consequence called “and Jen lost the chance to meet her husband.”

It’s traumatic, really. I’m sitting here bawling as I type. Sniff. Sniff.

Okay, enough theatrics. On to the point.

And the point is…Well, we need to go back a year to get all the surrounding facts of this crisis.

So let’s go back to 2009, to a small, New England town called Weston, Vermont. It is here that Jen first spies THE LEAF. This is the gold encrusted, real maple leaf that has now been turned into a piece of jewelry. And Jen and Jen’s mother fall in love with it, because of course leaves are the cutest thing to have ever been invented created. And we must have it. Them. (There are two of them. One for each of us. They come together. Ingenious!)

But it is just the pendant. It does not hang from a pretty gold chain. No, it just sits there, all by itself.

Someday, I tell myself. Someday I will find a gold chain from which to hang my pretty, goldish leaf. (Ha! I just re-read that sentence and thought it said “goldfish necklace” and thought I had lost my mind. Whew, I was worried there for a minute!)

A year passes. My mom wears her leaf. Mine sits in the jewelry box, unchained. (ha!)

And then comes the day when I make that fateful stop at Kohl’s to see if they have any clearance jewelry that comes on a pretty gold chain. Sadly, they don’t. But they have pretty, 24 karat gold chains that I can buy…Okay, deal. And on my way to the jewelry counter I had spied a pretty burnt orange sweater. Perfect-o. I have the necklace, and now I have the sweater that goes with it! (yes, all matchy-matchy)

Fast forward to today. (Whew, that was a lot of background to get here!) Today (this was not written today. In case you think I have lost all sense of time. I haven’t) I went to put on that pretty orange sweater and pretty gold necklace. But (and this is the part that you have heard before) alas I couldn’t wear that nice sweater since Kohl’s had left the security tag on. Kohl’s! Tsk tsk. Should not have done that.

So long story short (ha, yes, this really IS the condensed version) I had to scramble to get ready, throw on clothes that were not pre-picked out and were not incredibly stunning by any stretch of the imagination. (And confidence crumbles in direct proportion to how quickly the outfit was thrown together)

Okay, more background. (This is the important part). There are roughly two (count ’em, TWO!) cute boys men, who work/go to grad school where I work. Two. Out of hundreds/thousands. And I rarely run into them. (One of them I can make detours to sorta kinda run into, not that I would EVER think of doing that, of course.  And the other one, I have NO idea where on campus he works. And I rarely see him. Like ever.) But today. Today of all days. I had to run into both of them. Twice. TWICE! Can you believe that? Twice. BOTH of them. I’m still speechless (if you can’t tell)

And I am sure they both were thinking “What a crazy looking girl, clearly she is not someone I want to talk to.  Of course if she was wearing a snazzy orange sweater with a sparkly leaf necklace then I would propose to her on the spot.”

But no. Nothing. Except perhaps slight recognition on the part of one of the individuals who might have recognized me as that strange girl who kept staring at him in that one staff meeting. Goodness, I hope not though! Perhaps flying under the radar is much more than it’s cracked up to be.

Still though…I am pretty sure Kohl’s owes me spousal support for the rest of my life.

And once it starts rolling in, maybe I’ll buy another pretty leaf pendant. Or take another cruise. Or two. Feel free to come along, it will be quite the party!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Aleassa permalink
    October 15, 2010 10:46 am

    Hahaha, maybe one of them will read this blog. 😉

  2. Becka permalink
    October 15, 2010 11:50 am

    LOL Jen, this was hilarious.

  3. October 15, 2010 5:20 pm

    You’ve had quite the adventure the past few days. You’ll have to post a picture of the sweater and necklace and hope he reads your blog! 🙂

  4. October 16, 2010 12:31 pm

    LOL!! Poor Jen :(. I’m sorry Khol’s ruined your life.

  5. jenmarie permalink*
    October 19, 2010 1:04 pm

    lol I would hope they never read it. Now I feel really self conscious about the sweater lol. It’s not really even a sweater, it’s more like a long sleeved shirt, and it’s not all that insanely nice, but everyone’s asking me about it, lol.
    Although since it’s orange and the Giants are playing today, I am wearing it. GO GIANTS! =)

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